Clarifying yesterday's post for those who don't know this story... I lost a dear friend to a motorcycle wreck nearly 21 years ago. Paul would be turning 40 this year, but instead he ended at age 19.
We had parted ways a year before that (a little thing in Bartlesviille talked him into to calling me on Valentine's Day to break up - he was easily swayed - I dented the wall in my apartment throwing the phone at it that night), but he was still dear to my heart anyway. Many boys flitted in and out of my life back then, but he was youngest guy I ever dated, four years my junior, and full of sunshine and life, a summery tanned blonde, very much unlike my usual taste.
He was the only guy to ever jump in my convertible with the door still closed. And he did it all the time, hand on the door, vaulting over the side.
We had a tumultuous on again, off again romance for a couple years during the time I worked at Casa Bonita, but despite our distractions with other people, we continued back and forth as friends or lovers, never becoming completely estranged.
Before I moved away to Washington State, we took our final goodbyes. I visited his apartment in Bartlesville - he was proud to have his own place, staying there to finish his senior year although his mom had moved back to Tulsa, transferring for her job. He helped me pack my things away that I was leaving here in Oklahoma. He kissed me goodbye in the back driveway of this very house, leaning on his white Firebird with his maddenly charming good looks and summer-boy grin, and with a smile he said he knew he'd never see me again.
It seemed melodramatic and untrue at the time, and I laughed it off then, but sometimes shit happens. He died the next year. May 17, 1991.
My husband is very sweet about my grief and encourages and comforts me when it hits - he was there for me when it happened, although I was thousands of miles away and did not get to attend the funeral. I haven't been able to find out yet if Paul has a memorial somewhere. It seems I will have to order the death certificate if I really want to find out. Maybe I will so I can see about getting to visit him. If there is no memorial, maybe I should plant a shrub in the back here, put a bench back there somewhere for sitting and talking to loved ones that have crossed over.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Music and Grief
The moment you actually notice what the words of a song say that you've been only half-listening to passively for a couple years on the radio ... and then you have your headset on and really hear the words and flip over to the Pandora page and see the lyrics and about cry. (The Calling, Wherever You Will Go)
/sigh
Death sucks. Especially young death.
/sigh
Death sucks. Especially young death.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Hmmmm
We got rain. Not the steady, heavy, pouring rain that I really want, but one good solid day of heavy mist. That's better for soaking in to the ground than heavy pouring rain, so I'll not complain.
I am wrestling with a dilemma with young relatives. Don't we all do that at times? Do I confront them about their severing ties with me or do I just ignore it (or make a passive/aggressive blog post about it)? I extended an inquiry to the first of them that rudely cut me off, but she did not respond. I waited a week and then canceled the request when her sister snubbed me also.
I am tending towards just ignoring it. I've held a poor opinion of them for many years anyway when they repeatedly displayed lack of gratitude for gifts when they were yet minors, but blamed it on their parentage. I just had hope that after they were adults and got away from their upbringing that they might see the error of their ways.
My hope waned when the first married and never sent a thank you for her gift, not even via phone call or email. But I certainly know the 20's were not my gracious period by any stretch of the imagination, so had thought to begrudge her for awhile as her sister would at least make some efforts at being polite.
But now it seems the poison has seeped along the family tree, instead of being improved with age and wisdom. I had thought to suspend my skepticism until they reached their 40's. Perhaps then I will once again extend the offer. Perhaps.
But now I think if they cannot reconcile their minds with the words of fanaticism that have been whispered in their ears by then, well, then ... then I will suppose they will be beyond reach.
I just remember that the bigotry that was exemplified to me when I was child caused me instead to go the opposite way, to rebel in the direction of being tolerant and open-minded, and I supposed (wrongly) that others who are brought up in a zealous household would also rebel as I did.
But now I see this is not always so. Another bit of wisdom I have gained with age.
So only time will tell if their minds will expand, or just continue to shrink. And I strongly doubt that I will ever inquire in person, to their face, to ask for an explanation. Their lack of faith in humanity troubles me, but I don't know that I have the desire to teach them. I doubt they would ever be receptive; I seem to have as great a lack of faith in them as they do in me.
I am wrestling with a dilemma with young relatives. Don't we all do that at times? Do I confront them about their severing ties with me or do I just ignore it (or make a passive/aggressive blog post about it)? I extended an inquiry to the first of them that rudely cut me off, but she did not respond. I waited a week and then canceled the request when her sister snubbed me also.
I am tending towards just ignoring it. I've held a poor opinion of them for many years anyway when they repeatedly displayed lack of gratitude for gifts when they were yet minors, but blamed it on their parentage. I just had hope that after they were adults and got away from their upbringing that they might see the error of their ways.
My hope waned when the first married and never sent a thank you for her gift, not even via phone call or email. But I certainly know the 20's were not my gracious period by any stretch of the imagination, so had thought to begrudge her for awhile as her sister would at least make some efforts at being polite.
But now it seems the poison has seeped along the family tree, instead of being improved with age and wisdom. I had thought to suspend my skepticism until they reached their 40's. Perhaps then I will once again extend the offer. Perhaps.
But now I think if they cannot reconcile their minds with the words of fanaticism that have been whispered in their ears by then, well, then ... then I will suppose they will be beyond reach.
I just remember that the bigotry that was exemplified to me when I was child caused me instead to go the opposite way, to rebel in the direction of being tolerant and open-minded, and I supposed (wrongly) that others who are brought up in a zealous household would also rebel as I did.
But now I see this is not always so. Another bit of wisdom I have gained with age.
So only time will tell if their minds will expand, or just continue to shrink. And I strongly doubt that I will ever inquire in person, to their face, to ask for an explanation. Their lack of faith in humanity troubles me, but I don't know that I have the desire to teach them. I doubt they would ever be receptive; I seem to have as great a lack of faith in them as they do in me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Day to day blah blah blah
So I downloaded the student version of AutoCAD 2012, and I've watched 32 short videos (of 212) of the cad tutorials on youtube. I've been watching the videos at work, but I d/l'd the software at home and playing around a little at night. It's all basic stuff but it's good to refresh. I really need to order that textbook.
I'm waiting on the rain. Really waiting. That kind of tense waiting when you can't quite breathe deeply. Shallow anticipatory breaths. Disappointment that it's holding back so long. It's supposed to be here around midnight. The ground is so dry. When the wind is low we've been getting some of the old blackberry brambles we've trimmed burned off. I say "we" - that's me and my son. He likes to help out in the yard. That's my relaxation area to get away from the house.
I saw someone on G+ say that the only girly thing they do is crochet. That's about like me. And I haven't crocheted in a few years. I only cook for the family because it's cheaper than eating out, and no one else will do it without being told.
If I lived alone, I wouldn't cook meals. Blah. Who needs 'em? Gimme a chunk of meat roasted in the crockpot all day, or grilled steak and I'll eat just that. I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes on my Kindle today and Holmes mentioned getting some cold beef and oooooh that sounded so delicious. Snack on wheat rolls and wine or stout and I'm good.
Oh, speaking of stout, I bought a bottle of Guinness stout in honor of St. Paddy's day coming up. There's a liquor store over by the fairgrounds that does a mix-n-match six pack thing. We love going there. Hubby was sick so he wasn't shopping with me Saturday, so I picked out three lagers for him and three ales for me. And I saw the Guinness in there among the ales and snagged it. Silly, not really a "great" stout per the beer snobs, but I don't care. I like it anyway. I like drinking a beer that is like eating dark bread.
One of the guys at work today shot a pen halfway across the room with the spring. That was funny. I thought it was a rubber band at first. I need to look up office toys. I know there's a ton of toys you can make with paperclips. Where was that article??
I'm waiting on the rain. Really waiting. That kind of tense waiting when you can't quite breathe deeply. Shallow anticipatory breaths. Disappointment that it's holding back so long. It's supposed to be here around midnight. The ground is so dry. When the wind is low we've been getting some of the old blackberry brambles we've trimmed burned off. I say "we" - that's me and my son. He likes to help out in the yard. That's my relaxation area to get away from the house.
I saw someone on G+ say that the only girly thing they do is crochet. That's about like me. And I haven't crocheted in a few years. I only cook for the family because it's cheaper than eating out, and no one else will do it without being told.
If I lived alone, I wouldn't cook meals. Blah. Who needs 'em? Gimme a chunk of meat roasted in the crockpot all day, or grilled steak and I'll eat just that. I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes on my Kindle today and Holmes mentioned getting some cold beef and oooooh that sounded so delicious. Snack on wheat rolls and wine or stout and I'm good.
Oh, speaking of stout, I bought a bottle of Guinness stout in honor of St. Paddy's day coming up. There's a liquor store over by the fairgrounds that does a mix-n-match six pack thing. We love going there. Hubby was sick so he wasn't shopping with me Saturday, so I picked out three lagers for him and three ales for me. And I saw the Guinness in there among the ales and snagged it. Silly, not really a "great" stout per the beer snobs, but I don't care. I like it anyway. I like drinking a beer that is like eating dark bread.
One of the guys at work today shot a pen halfway across the room with the spring. That was funny. I thought it was a rubber band at first. I need to look up office toys. I know there's a ton of toys you can make with paperclips. Where was that article??
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Anticipating Guild Wars 2
For almost a year now, I have been staying away from reading any news about Guild Wars 2 with only the exception of profession reveals. I was getting too angry, too annoyed, too disappointed with the long, drawn-out torture of waiting for the new game.
Getting little bits and pieces of information trickled out to us months apart when release was not even narrowed down to happen within the next decade, well, I was fed up. I even discontinued getting text notifications of Martin Kerstein's tweets (I used to hang on his every word).
But since the official announcement in late January that GW2 will be released some time this year, I have lifted my self-inflicted restriction from the forums and articles that were previously only serving to feed my angst.
And I am now charting out race and class combos, trying to choose which profession to try first, which race, what names I want to use. Nerd Alert: I've even made a spreadsheet called GW2 Character Planning.
Undoubtedly I will have a mesmer. There is no way around that. Mesmer is my favorite PVP character class in GW1. Second, I imagine I will have to have a warrior, because raging with an axe simply made me happy in GW1 PVE. But I don't know that either one of those will be my first choice.
I think I really want to play the Engineer. But since more than one person has thrown out the suggestion that the play style compares to the GW1 Ritualist, this would be a radical change for me. But I like all the gadgets and gizmos! Ritualists put me off with the weird dance and arm shaking while casting spirits. Plus I can't stand that color of their spirits - that pale turquoise. Blech. This could be the profession for me.
Of course, the deeper I get into reading all the speculative details on GWOnline and Guru, and the official wiki, and all the various news articles, I am certain of just one thing: I will change my mind multiple times before the game actually releases.
Squeeeeee!
Getting little bits and pieces of information trickled out to us months apart when release was not even narrowed down to happen within the next decade, well, I was fed up. I even discontinued getting text notifications of Martin Kerstein's tweets (I used to hang on his every word).
But since the official announcement in late January that GW2 will be released some time this year, I have lifted my self-inflicted restriction from the forums and articles that were previously only serving to feed my angst.
And I am now charting out race and class combos, trying to choose which profession to try first, which race, what names I want to use. Nerd Alert: I've even made a spreadsheet called GW2 Character Planning.
Undoubtedly I will have a mesmer. There is no way around that. Mesmer is my favorite PVP character class in GW1. Second, I imagine I will have to have a warrior, because raging with an axe simply made me happy in GW1 PVE. But I don't know that either one of those will be my first choice.
I think I really want to play the Engineer. But since more than one person has thrown out the suggestion that the play style compares to the GW1 Ritualist, this would be a radical change for me. But I like all the gadgets and gizmos! Ritualists put me off with the weird dance and arm shaking while casting spirits. Plus I can't stand that color of their spirits - that pale turquoise. Blech. This could be the profession for me.
Of course, the deeper I get into reading all the speculative details on GWOnline and Guru, and the official wiki, and all the various news articles, I am certain of just one thing: I will change my mind multiple times before the game actually releases.
Squeeeeee!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Nozzle, Conquered
I completed drawing the nozzle my boss asked me (about a year ago) if I could draw, including with a 2D dimensioned print, complete with section and detail views. It consists of a hollow cylinder with a top flange, horizontal and vertical external ribs, external tabs, a 45ยบ cut, a transitional leg and a daisy wheel. Unfortunately I can't publish it here as it is proprietary.
From start to finish I completed the drawing in just over a week, and that was just in my spare time from doing all my other regular work - maybe 2-3 hours per day, if that - there was more than one day in there I didn't get a chance to work on it at all.
But I am very excited that I was able to identify the tools in SolidWorks needed to get each process done.
I got the power! (music audio)
From start to finish I completed the drawing in just over a week, and that was just in my spare time from doing all my other regular work - maybe 2-3 hours per day, if that - there was more than one day in there I didn't get a chance to work on it at all.
But I am very excited that I was able to identify the tools in SolidWorks needed to get each process done.
I got the power! (music audio)
Monday, February 6, 2012
Guild Wars? Yep
I have played Guild Wars five days out of the last seven - or maybe that's seven days out of the last nine! Rollerbeetles really sucked me in this past weekend. I love that mini-game. Oh - I've said that before, haven't I?
I've been getting the Shining Blade daily bounties so I can get more Oppressor weapons for my Hall of Monuments, which is looking pretty decent if I do say so myself. I've met my self-set goal. I am not going to max it out like some people I know (elbow, elbow).
My goal was level 30; getting the Celestial Dragon minipet this weekend finished that goal up for me! I got the dragon mini by earning Lunar tokens in the Rollerbeetle races - racing works better for me than the festival quests.
So I can stop there, or if GW2 takes till December to release, I might work on the next reward level. But it's not so important to me as getting that Black Widow spider reward was. Plus a dragon mini pet - made of stars. I mean, come on, that's just cool.
I've been getting the Shining Blade daily bounties so I can get more Oppressor weapons for my Hall of Monuments, which is looking pretty decent if I do say so myself. I've met my self-set goal. I am not going to max it out like some people I know (elbow, elbow).
My goal was level 30; getting the Celestial Dragon minipet this weekend finished that goal up for me! I got the dragon mini by earning Lunar tokens in the Rollerbeetle races - racing works better for me than the festival quests.
So I can stop there, or if GW2 takes till December to release, I might work on the next reward level. But it's not so important to me as getting that Black Widow spider reward was. Plus a dragon mini pet - made of stars. I mean, come on, that's just cool.
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